Could Y'all Read This Please

Oh Death... I completely know how you feel.  

My depression isn't as bad as it was, but I still get random attacks of it.  I'll hate myself for the stupidest little things, or for no reason at all.  I'll feel stupid and like a child when I talk to my older sister, sometimes even to my younger sister.  I get called intelligent and wise by my parents and others, but I never feel like I am.  I'll feel like a lazy ass that does nothing but plays video games and watches TV.  I feel like I annoy every one of my friends.  I'm extremely sensitive, but I always try to see the other persons side.  I usually suffer in silence, not letting anyone know. (Even though it's completely obvious I'm not okay...)

I know how you feel, Death.  Depression is that little monster in your head whose life goal is to make you miserable.  It's hard, but just tell yourself: "Depression always lies!" It's hard. It's especially hard to accept compliments. But you seem pretty tough.  You can get through it!  

You really are amazing, Death.  I wish we could hang out! (Have a Soul Eater marathon! :3 )

well, i for one, hand out with you because your amazing and we have brilliant conversations (in the middle of the night) that i could not imagine not having.

And the praise thing? Trust me, you are not the only one who has this probem. Many people who either have been told by others- or told themselves- over and over again that they are not worth it have this problem. Its like you have been so totally pushed in the other direction that you refuse to even accept what they are saying.
Its only been in the last few months that I have started to...not push away anyone who says something nice.

And the relationship thing?
(by the way i have only just woken up so if it doesnt make sense then sorry)
Its not pathetic. Just like in other things, relationships happen to people at all different stages. Hell, im 20 and still havent had one. Or even been kissed. 
The age we live in now is the one that tells people its wrong to go inot adulthood without having already 'achieved' those things, but its not you thats wrong; its society, screwing people up and giving them high expectations.
It will happen when it happens and being older- it will give you a better relationship because neither of you will be children anymore 

Finally, you are not a failure. I know that I am writing this and you will most likely shake your head and dismiss what i am saying (bease that is what I do) but you are most definitely not.


we all love and adore you here, huni, and I am here if you ver want to talk/rant ect.

Raven: I'm totally down with a Soul Eater marathon when we meet. I say "when" because we will meet. I've made it my goal in life to meet every single one of you guys.

River: I'm disappointed because, while a lot of these things that I'm disappointed about have been set out by society, a lot of them I've also set out for myself. Like, for instance, the college thing.

I'm so happy to be leaving college because it's caused nothing but stress in my life, but at the same time I'm upset because it was always a goal of mine.

Deathy deathy deathy...

I'm so sorry you're having these kind of problems especially during the holiday season. I get where you're coming from about not meeting expectations you set for yourself. 

Mine is a bit different but at least comparable. 

For me, in the grand scheme of things, I'm in no better a place now as I was last year. Jobless still and not making any tangible progress in much else. Not for lack of trying mind you, the economy is just royally fucking me over, turning me into a narcissist of just idle boast.

But let's back up to you. I don't know about not accepting compliments (self admitted narcissist) but I can tell you the praise is deserved. You're amazing in every aspect that counts! As a writer, human being and friend!

You're one of my best friends, all of you are! So what if you didn't finish college? Lots of very successful people dropped out! Don't believe me?
http://www.businessinsider.com/most-successful-college-droputs-2013-9

Next, as for the relationships, would you rather have five piece of chocolate only to deny yourself a slice of chocolate cake? It's quality not quantity. I can tell you, it's a hard wait, but the pay off is well worth it. Don't give up, you got a lot to offer a girl! 

You're still young yet, and life is not short of possibilities. You just got to keep waiting and grab them at the right time. Timing might not pan out well for a while but I'm sure you'll make it!

If college stressed you out so  much, then it's probably for the best you're out of it! Society may tell you that you have to go to college to get a career, but that's not true! It might be harder without a college degree, but it IS possible! Look at my favorite author, Heather Brewer, for example.  She grew up with depression, and she still struggles with depression, living her dream as an author, even though no one but her husband believed in her.  

(http://heatherbrewer.com/auntie-heather-loves-u/  I suggest reading this... She's a true inspiration! ) 

All society has to offer is suggestions, not pure fact.  

As for depression... I know the feeling.  I'll feel like a disappointment to my parents, even when they say they're proud of me. I'll feel like a nobody that's a complete failure at life.  

And the relationship thing? It'll come in time, when you're ready.  There's that special someone out there for you.  Trust me, I thought I'd be forever alone until I met Lir and joined the forum... Don't lose hope! We all love you and believe in you, Death!

And just remember, lovely, that I dropped out of school.
SCHOOL, let alone college.

Education is not for everyone.

And just to add my two cents I can understand having life not being what you planned. I planned on doing so many things (Yes more things than I am doing now) and I haven't been able to do them because my mind hasn't healed all the way yet. Things happen for a reason maybe ten years from now you will look at this and laugh or be grateful for what you did.

As for the relarionship stuff. Love is... Ugh I hate souding cliche and cheesy so forgive me but love isunexpected. It happens when you least expect it. The perfect girl is waiting out there for you. She may be lonely too right now and wishing for a girlfriend. You two will find each other. It just sucks waiting. But she's out there Death. She'll find you or you her or whatever and she'll be worth the wait and the pain and the tears...


Ahem.... Umm... I hope that wasn't too sappy... Anyways love you lots Deathy!!!

I love you guys so much. You guys always make me feel better so quick and I cannot thank you enough.

So, my dog hadn't been feeling well for a week or so and we took him to the vet today.  It's really bad and we decided to put him down tomorrow....

Yeah. That's it.

Oh man, I'm so sorry Death...I know how it feels to have an animal put down. 

RIP Alex :,(

The beginnings of my Soul Eater, Soul Evans jacket. Hopefully I can sew it soon because the con that I was going to cosplay at in June has been canceled so I'll be going a con in April instead, so I have two less months to put it together. No sweat, I got this!

(Also I feel like celebrating because I figured out how to upload personal pics on here)

So, gender and sexuality is complicated as fuck.

Just a quick update for y'all. In case you didn't know, I'm "labeling" myself as genderfluid (labels suck and whatnot, but whatever). When referring to me you can use he/she/they pronouns. As of late, I've been feeling like a male though, so yeah, take that as you wish. I'd prefer male or gender neutral pronouns.

Also, I've come to realize that my sexual identity is just as fluid so I'm gonna "label" (again labels suck) myself as Pansexual, with a preference toward females.

Yeah... Okay, have a nice day!

If you'd prefer neutral or male pronouns, I'll start using they (do for a lot of friends right now)

Do you have a preferred name or is Death alright? As long as you're happy, labels don't natter that much

Death is a good name for me. If you're gonna call me by my irl name, I'd prefer Ash over Ashley. Thanks. :3